This is an article that I wrote and was published in Board Press Magazine. The article was called "Best Shop Break-In Store Ever". It's a true story from a break in 7 years ago around Christmas time and although it really really sucked at the time, it's a pretty entertaining story and I hope you enjoy it.
I'm asleep when my phone wakes me up, it's around 4:30AM in early December. I always answer my phone no matter what, I have a weird fear of someone calling needing a DD or in some kind of crazy emergency and so I always have to pick it up. It's usually just a drunk friend calling to tell me that they are eating some really good pizza, or something along those lines. I look at the caller ID and it shows up as this guy Dave who is a friend of one of my old roommates. I don't know this guy very well at all so I was surprised to see him calling in the middle of the night. When I pick up the phone Dave is on the other end of the line in a panic "DUDE!!! FUCK MAN!!!! SOMEONE BROKE INTO SHREDZ!!!"
"What do you mean someone broke into Shredz?" I reply.
"I was just going to grab a slurpee at FasGas after the bar, and when I walked by I noticed all the windows are smashed out"
"Shit! K wait there, I'll be right there. Don't go inside in case someone is still in there". My mind and heart are now racing a mile a minute, wondering what the shop is going to look like when I get there, and what will be missing.
I get out of bed and throw on some clothes, run to my car and head to the shop. When I pull up Dave is standing waiting out front in a bright red sweater and some blue Vans on. The front door is fully smashed out, there's glass everywhere and it's pitch black inside. I walk up and we go inside. The front door is fully smashed in, our mannequin is lying tipped over, a huge rock lying in the middle of the floor, and our Nixon watches case is smashed out with most of the watches gone. It sounds cliche, but I had this weird dazed feeling throughout the whole thing like it was just a bad dream and I was going to wake up in the morning.
I walk further into the store and go behind the counter to call the police. While we wait for the cops, Dave and I walk around looking for anything else that appears to be missing, clues of who broke in, and checking the outside of the building for anything out of the ordinary. When the cops got there, a van rolled up saying he saw someone hanging around the building earlier in the night and gave a description. The cops start taking photos of the building and the crime scene inside.
After we explain the situation and do a walk around with the cops, we decide to go over the security tapes and see what we can find. Two cops head outside to get photos of the exterior of the building. I walk behind the counter to access the security footage, Dave follows me and one of the cops is next to him, we all stand in silence as I filter through the security footage to see what happened. We see a rock fly through the window, glass flying everywhere into the shop, a guy runs in, wearing a bright red sweater and blue Vans, picks the rock up, and smashes the Nixon case and starts loading watches into his sweater. Everyone kind of stands in silence processing what they are seeing.
Dave is the first one to break the silence; "Hmmm, that looks a lot like me"
"Dude that is you" I reply.
"Nahhhh man that is definitely not me" he assures me.
The video camera has multiple angles and perfect clear HD footage of his face and the clothes that he's currently wearing. I look over at the cop standing next to us, he is laughing and shaking his head, in disbelief.
At this point I think Dave realizes just how screwed he is; "DUDE... I AM SOOOOO SORRY" he replies "I DO NOT REMEMBER DOING THAT! I swear to god, I do not remember doing that, there is no way that can be me".
As I look at him close up, he looks like he's totally tripping out on some crazy drugs (I didn't notice before, because we were in the dark when I first got there).
As I look at him close up, he looks like he's totally tripping out on some crazy drugs (I didn't notice before, because we were in the dark when I first got there).
I stand there in silence having so clue what to do or say. The silence was broken by the other two cops coming in from outside and asking "Did you see anything on the tapes? Get a good look at the suspect?"
The cop standing with us laughs and palms his face saying "Yeah it's this guy" pointing at Dave. The other cops walk around the counter to get a look at the screen. They kind of stand there awkwardly for a second before saying "K, come with us" and throw Dave in handcuffs.
As they walk him out, he's still saying "Man, I don't think that was me!", while half apologizing. It was such an awkward experience for everyone involved. The cops took him away while I had to stay to write police reports and make copies of the security footage. The cops that were on scene were all laughing about what a weird incident it was and how he basically stayed at the crime scene and called the cops on himself, then had no recollection of even doing it. While I wrote up the report of the incident the cops who took Dave away called back to let us know that they went to his house and confiscated all our watches from Dave's house and I would get them all back after the trial. He pled guilty and agreed to pay for all the damages, but still claimed he had no recollection of ever doing it. I still see him around from time to time and it's pretty awkward.
Side story:
Around a year later I was driving into Calgary on a back road and was speeding pretty bad and I drove by a cop hidden on the side of the highway, the cop flicked his lights on and ripped after me to pull me over. I realized as he was walking up to my car that I had no wallet or license with me. I have the worst luck and was already adding up all the tickets I was going to get in my head. I roll down my window, dreading what would happen next.
Around a year later I was driving into Calgary on a back road and was speeding pretty bad and I drove by a cop hidden on the side of the highway, the cop flicked his lights on and ripped after me to pull me over. I realized as he was walking up to my car that I had no wallet or license with me. I have the worst luck and was already adding up all the tickets I was going to get in my head. I roll down my window, dreading what would happen next.
"Sam from Shredz!" the cop yells as I roll down my window. "How have you been? I'm not sure if you remember me, but I was on that case with Canada's worst criminal last year!" He laughed and we small talked for a bit about business and how crazy that night was. He tells me I was speeding pretty heavily and to slow down then leaves, no tickets, no warning, never even asking for my ID. That horrible experience years earlier saved me a few hundred dollars in tickets.
Thanks to Stephanie Lake from Board Press Magazine for getting this article to print.
